


Breathe In, Breathe Out

by WhatWouldJackSparrowDo



Series: Let the Human In [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Gaang (Avatar) as Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21887218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatWouldJackSparrowDo/pseuds/WhatWouldJackSparrowDo
Summary: This is where I store everything I write in the Chase the Neon Throne universe that doesn't fit into the main story. You probably won't know what's going on unless you've read Chase the Neon Throne first. All chapters are in chronological order.Ch. 1: I'm Catching Up - Katara and the rest of the Gaang read Zuko's letter.Ch. 2: On My Side - Jet makes a discovery, talks to Longshot, and begins to come to terms with his past.Ch. 3: Too Close to the Flame - Aang goes missing, and Jet and Katara have a talk.Ch. 4: My Days Without You - Katara wants to help Aang get back into the Avatar State, but Aang already knows that there's nothing she can do.NEWEST CHAPTER: Ch. 2
Relationships: Aang & Katara (Avatar), Aang/Zuko (Avatar), Jet & Longshot (Avatar), Jet & Zuko (Avatar), Jet/Katara (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Let the Human In [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1335232
Comments: 10
Kudos: 172





	1. I'm Catching Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara and the rest of the Gaang read Zuko's letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for a guest who requested the Gaang's reaction to Zuko's letter. Hope it's satisfactory!
> 
> Timeline: CtNT, mid-Ch. 9. You only need to read up to the letter part to know what's going on.
> 
> Chapter title is from Flood by Goo Goo Dolls ft. Sydney Sierota.

> I had a dream you were next to me  
> I woke up calling your name  
> Can you still feel my love?  
> I wanna be something you can touch  
> You're moving fast, but I'm catching up  
> No, don't slow down, my love

#### I'm Catching Up

Katara had, thus far, considered herself pretty successful in her role as the designated emotional caretaker of the group (she was _not_ anyone's mom, no matter how many jokes Sokka and Toph made). It wasn't an easy job, either. She must have been traveling with the least emotionally adept teens in the whole Earth Kingdom. There was Aang, who had just lost his entire people and had needed to be talked down from no less than three Avatar State episodes. Then there was Toph, who had spent her whole life virtually imprisoned in her own home and now seemed to be experiencing twelve years' worth of pent-up rebelliousness and resentment all at once. Suki seemed fine at first glance, but the burden of leadership got to her sometimes, especially since she was used to leading a large group of trained fighters on a fairly isolated island and not, well, four comparatively untrained teens who regularly fought for their lives. For untrained teens, though, Katara thought they were all pretty effective fighters in their own right, so it could have been worse.

Sokka had, up until recently, been the most well-adjusted of them. Katara still credited herself for that since she'd spent fourteen years supporting him. Actually, despite the constant danger and weight of the world on their shoulders, Sokka might be even more well-adjusted than before. Learning to fight from Suki, once he'd gotten over himself, had been great for his self-esteem, and he had started viewing Katara less as his little sister and more as an equal. Ever since the Siege of the North, though, Sokka seemed uncharacteristically desolate at times. Katara knew that it was because of Yue, just like she knew Suki's sudden uptick in fake smiles was because of Blue's disappearance and subsequent ominous two-word letter. Although... she had a sneaking suspicion that part of the reason for Suki's despondency was the same as the reason for Sokka's, but bringing that up seemed more cruel than productive.

The point was, Katara had _handled all of that_. No matter what life had thrown at her, she'd kept it, and them, together! They each had a role to play; Aang was the Avatar and a symbol of hope, Toph was his grumpy earthbending teacher, Sokka was the strategist, Suki was their leader, and Katara was the glue that held them together, and she had _done that_. For a while, it had seemed like she could overcome any obstacle in their path.

Appa's abduction had proven her so wrong.

Katara, in her summarization of the group roles, had forgotten one key detail: Aang didn't keep hope alive just by bending all the elements; he defended all people, he saw the good in all people, and he always smiled, even when things went wrong. He gave the whole world something to believe in, and that included Katara, Sokka, Suki, and Toph.

Appa was Aang's best friend, though, and with him missing, it felt like Aang was missing, too. Gone was their optimistic, cheerful symbol. Now he was just angry. Not angry in a fiery way, either, like he could be sometimes when someone threatened his friends or did something truly awful to someone else. He was angry in a callous, cold way. Aang being cold was like Sokka eating vegetables, or like Suki tripping for no reason, or like Toph being nice to Aang while training him...

...or like Blue spontaneously deciding to stop 'hunting' them, or like a Fire Nation admiral killing the freaking moon, or like someone managing to _kidnap Appa_ , seriously, _how did someone kidnap a giant flying bison?!_

Basically, Aang was depressed, and now everyone was depressed, even the people they passed on their travels. Maybe those people had always been depressed, and Katara had only failed to notice because Aang's existence alone cheered them up partway and then his spirit and attitude cheered them up the rest of the way. Katara didn't know if Aang, and by extension their group, were going to recover from this. As little as she wanted to admit it, what with everyone else's hopes fading too, she was beginning to doubt that they would ever find Appa. "Abandon all hope," Aang had said earlier that day, genuinely, his face too serious and too blank. Katara didn't even know what to do with that.

Now they were laying in their respective sleeping bags and tents, along with a small family containing a pregnant woman whom they'd volunteered to escort safely across the Serpent's Pass. Katara was supposed to be sleeping, but instead she was lying awake wondering what she was going to do if they really didn't find Appa. That was when a messenger hawk descended on them.

Everyone sat up in surprise and Toph unbended her earth tent, revealing that Katara was far from the only one lying awake. Toph plucked the letter from the hawk's grasp and examined the tag on it for a moment. "Hey, it's for you, Sokka!"

"Really?" Sokka asked in surprise, then scowled at her and snatched the letter from her amidst scattered, half-hearted chuckles. He read the tag himself and held it out to Aang, who bemusedly stood and walked over to receive it.

Partway through scanning the letter, Aang appeared to forget how to breathe. His eyes went wide, and he knelt on the ground, covering his mouth.

"Aang?" Suki pressed, concerned.

"...Um," Aang said, his voice cracking significantly on just that one syllable. He cleared his throat and lowered his hand to reveal a smile bigger and realer than Katara had seen on his face for days, maybe weeks. "It's from... It's... Appa."

"Didn't know Appa could write," Toph remarked as Katara, Sokka, and Suki gaped at him.

Visibly overcome by emotion, Aang sank down until he was sitting. Suki gently took the missive from him, and Katara scooted forward to wrap an arm around Aang's shoulders as Suki, too, scanned the contents of the message. Her grin grew wider and wider, and she shot Aang a joyful, exhilarated look that he returned, albeit shakily. "Okay, do we want the good news or the bad news first?" she asked the group.

"There's bad news?" Sokka questioned. "You two don't look like you just read any bad news."

"Well, there's Freedom Fighters involved."

Sokka scowled. "What do you mean?"

"I'll just read this out loud," Suki decided. "' _Aang, Appa is safe. The Fire Lord's daughter, Azula, is following his fur trail_ \- '"

"How did 'Freedom Fighters' rank higher than 'Fire Princess' as bad news?" Toph wondered out loud.

"Oh, I agree with Suki," Katara muttered darkly.

"Let me finish," Suki implored them. "' _Azula is following his fur trail. I'm taking him to Ba Sing Se_ \- '"

"That's where we're going!" Sokka exclaimed.

"Really, guys, can I get through more than one sentence? Please?" Suki glared at them all, then proceeded. "' _I'm taking him to Ba Sing Se where she can't get to us. I heard you're going there too, so meet us there, okay? Fair warning: I'm traveling with three people who call themselves the Freedom Fighters. I'm told you have history with them, but they've assured me that they've changed since then, and I believe then. Still, I would protect Appa even from them if I had to. I won't let anything happen to him. Signed, the Blue Spirit._ '"

"No way!" Toph shouted, lurching forwards. "He really is going to Ba Sing Se to make tea!"

"With a flying bison on his side, nothing's gonna stop him from getting there, either," Sokka rejoiced. Then he hesitated. "Except maybe homicidal teenagers."

"Even Lightning Lady and her friends can't fly," Toph reasoned. "If they could, we'd have seen it already."

"I wasn't talking about Azula."

"Geez, what did these Freedom Fighters do to you guys?" Toph exclaimed.

Katara let Sokka tell the story, putting her other arm around Aang to hug him. "Appa's okay," she reminded him. "We're gonna be okay, Aang."

"Yeah," he breathed, hugging her back. "Yeah, we are." He pulled away, his face lit up. "We're not even a week away from Ba Sing Se!"

"How did Blue even find Appa?" Suki wondered.

Sokka sighed wistfully, fingering the knife Zuko had dropped in the North Pole as he often did when someone brought Zuko up. "It's a shame his sword is gone, though. If we'd run into him just a couple weeks ago...."

"Who knows if he even could have gotten to Ba Sing Se without Appa?" Katara pointed out. She almost wanted to add something about it being a good thing Appa was kidnapped in the end if it brought Zuko back to them, but until Aang had Appa back and could make sure the bison was really okay, she resolved to avoid any comments like that. Besides, Aang was already cheered up; best not to push things and risk messing with a good thing, she decided.

"What are we gonna do about the Freedom Fighters?" Sokka was superficially addressing the whole group, but his eyes lingering on Katara told everyone who he was really asking.

"...Let's cross that bridge when we come to it," Suki suggested when Katara remained silent.

"Or burn that bridge," Katara muttered. She sighed at the many alarmed looks that were directed at her following that sentence. "I don't know if I can forgive someone who would have flooded an entire town of innocent people just to kill some Fire Nation soldiers. I mean, who was he even protecting at that point?!"

"I think maybe when someone spends so long fighting the same war, they can lose sight of what they're fighting for," Suki suggested timidly. "Kind of like Blue. Hear me out!" she added hastily when everyone turned to her in disbelief. "I'm not saying they're the same! I'm just saying it's similar. I mean, what Blue wanted was to end the war, right? That's what he told Aang. But he got so caught up in his goal of going home and becoming Fire Lord that it took him a while to realize that Aang was better off saving the world than trapped in the Fire Nation."

"Technically, we don't know that he did realize that, actually," Sokka pointed out. "I gotta be honest, I doubt that he ever would have delivered Aang to the Fire Nation even if he had gotten his hands on him, but based on what Toph said, it doesn't sound like he voluntarily stopped hunting us."

"'Hunting,'" Katara echoed incredulously. "The last two times we saw him, he came to us specifically to save first Aang, and then - " she broke off, 'the moon' hovering on the tip of her tongue, "...then he was there to save the moon, which, if you think about it... he kind of did. I mean, Zhao might have killed Yue himself, and he was definitely going to take Aang and leave. Obviously we wouldn't have let that happen, but Zuko saved all of our lives that day by chasing Zhao out of there."

"Zuko's an honorable guy," Sokka countered. "Doesn't mean he wouldn't have kept hunting us. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. The point is, Suki's not wrong about Zuko coming from the same kind of background as Jet and his Freedom Fighters."

"So you're saying we should forgive them?" Katara challenged. "Just like that?"

"If Zuko trusts them, maybe they've changed!" Aang offered optimistically.

"Uh, 'I would save Appa from them if I had to' doesn't sound like trust, Twinkle Toes," Toph retorted. "Sounds more like reluctant traveling companions to me."

"He said before that that he believed that they'd changed, though," Suki remarked. "So maybe he was just saying that to reassure us in case we didn't trust them...."

As Suki trailed off, Katara realized that everyone was looking at her again. "...I'll hear them out..., but that's as much as I'm offering!"

Aang perked up. "Great!" he exclaimed, as if she'd provided full acceptance for Zuko's friends and not a reluctant concession to consideration.

Katara rolled her eyes fondly. _At least Aang is his typical cheerful self again.... Thanks, Zuko, wherever you are. We'll see you soon._


	2. On My Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jet makes a discovery, talks to Longshot, and begins to come to terms with his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: Various moments throughout Ch. 9. You'll probably need to read the whole chapter for this to make sense.
> 
> Hey, guys. Sorry about the long wait for Ch. 18 of CtNT. Quarantine has been rough on my creativity and inspiration. Thankfully, no one in my family has suffered the coronavirus itself yet. The problem is basically that my house is pretty thoroughly infested with mice, which is hell for me as someone with autism (sensory overload) and CPTSD (hypervigilance/hyperarousal), plus lack of jobs in my household means lack of routine which has, in my experience, been enough to kill off creativity by itself. I've been reading up on it and apparently that's an autism thing too? It's something about the repetition requiring less creativity, thus freeing one's creativity to serve other purposes.
> 
> Anyway, I promise neither my interest nor my investment in finishing this story have waned. I'm slowly adjusting to this strange, temporary lifestyle and I'm _hoping_ that I'll be able to at least start working on Ch. 18 again soon, but I don't have a timeline anymore for its completion. As it stands, I'm pretty sure it's at least halfway complete if not more, so that's something. In the meantime, within three days, I'm planning to have a ~1k sneak peek to Ch. 18 posted in both the author's note of Ch. 17 and on my tumblr (@wwjacksparrowd), so check back on July 31 in either of those places for that snippet.
> 
> Edit 8/1: Here's the [sneak peek](https://wwjacksparrowd.tumblr.com/post/625282132425703424/sneak-peek-for-ch-18-of-ctnt)!
> 
> Title is from The Hype by Twenty-One Pilots.

> Nice to know my kind  
>  Will be on my side  
>  I don't believe the hype
> 
> The Hype by Twenty-One Pilots

#### On My Side

_Wanted: Zuko_

_Formerly the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation, son of our esteemed Fire Lord Ozai -_

Jet's vision blurred before he could finish reading, tinted by rage. Part of him rebelled against this new information; surely this wanted poster wasn't referring to _their_ Zuko, the Blue Spirit, catcher of criminals, friend to the Avatar, their moody, generous, endearingly awkward teamaker. Most of him, though, wondered just how many Zukos with burns on the left sides of their faces could possibly be roaming the Earth Kingdom. The likely answer was unquestionably 'one.' Jet reluctantly refocused on the document posted on the wall before him.

_Formerly the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation, son of our esteemed Fire Lord Ozai, this man fought soldiers of his own nation during the Siege of the North. His treacherous actions were directly responsible for the death of Admiral Zhao, a well-respected firebender whose righteous, unyielding leadership was invaluable to our military. If seen, please report directly to Crown Princess Azula._

Jet's eyes widened at the sizeable reward listed just for tips, let alone capture. Whatever Zuko had done, whether it was what the poster described or something more nefarious that was being covered up to save face for the Fire Lord, it must have been something epic. _Not that I'd expect any less of him_ , Jet mused, then cursed himself for thinking positively of the Fire Prince.

"Hey, Jet," Chit Sang greeted him casually, sauntering up to him. "I've got the passports - "

"Did you know?" Jet interrupted, pointing at the wanted poster.

"Uh, did I know...? Oh. That. Yeah." Chit Sang shifted uncomfortably beside him. "I'm guessing you didn't."

"You guessed right," Jet commented darkly. "And you still work with him? You're not bothered by the fact that he's a damn _firebender_? Let alone that he's their freaking _prince_ \- " Jet broke off. Chit Sang was a shifty guy, in general, but he was behaving particularly shiftily all of a sudden, and something had just occurred to Jet. "...Chit Sang, why were they sending a con man to such a high-security prison?"

Chit Sang grinned sheepishly. "You caught me. Truth is, I'm a firebender. A good one, too. Way too dangerous to be locked away with petty criminals."

Jet tensed, eyeing Chit Sang suspiciously now as he debated his course of action. He had just broken a firebender out of prison, he realized, but he also realized that he'd broken the man out of a Fire Nation prison, so he had technically hurt them all the same... yet he'd hurt the Earth Kingdom too by releasing a firebender into its midst.

As it crossed Jet's mind to remedy that, his hands drawn to the hilts of his swords, Chit Sang narrowed his eyes. "Don't do anything stupid," he cautioned in a low voice. "I still have your highly flammable passports... besides, do you really want to pick a fight with a firebender in the middle of all these people?"

Jet scowled at him and released his swords, leaving them in their sheaths.

"That's better," Chit Sang voiced, jovial once more. He stepped closer to Jet so he could peer at Zuko's wanted poster. "...Hmm. So he finally caught up with Zhao."

Jet frowned. "He was looking for Zhao?"

"Yep." Chit Sang stepped back out of Jet's personal space, his curiosity evidently satiated. "When I first met him, he was thirteen, looking for the assassin who was hired to kill his mother. When he caught up with him, the assassin told him he was hired by Zhao."

"A Fire Nation admiral put out a hit on the Fire Lord's wife," Jet summarized skeptically.

"Lieutenant, actually, back then," Chit Sang corrected. "And the way I heard it, she wasn't really his wife anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean? She left him?" Jet raised an eyebrow. "Not surprised he had her killed. Who would be dumb enough to leave the Fire Lord?"

Chit Sang shrugged. "Beats me."

The professional criminal took his leave, heading off to grab a bite. Jet would have liked more time to plan his confrontation with Zuko, but this probably wasn't the place to pick a fight with him, either. He'd have to play it cool somehow until he could get Zuko alone. Before he went to gather the other teen, he glanced around for witnesses before tearing the wanted poster off of the wall and stuffing it into his bag.

When Jet spotted Zuko, the latter was sitting near an epistolary stall, pulling his quill away from paper and setting it aside. As he approached, Zuko _coincidentally_ began rolling the paper and tying it up. "Who're you writing to?" he asked quickly.

Zuko looked up. The surprise in his features might have indicated that he hadn't seen Jet's approach and that it really had been a coincidence, or it might have indicated that Zuko _wanted_ Jet to think all of that. "The Avatar."

Jet's gaze was drawn to the second parchment already rolled up beside the quill. "Why do you have two letters?"

Zuko sighed. "The Avatar and someone else."

The dryness and sullenness of his reply ought to have meant that he was trying to blow off the question so that he could hide that answer..., except... that was just how Zuko was, wasn't it? Zuko was dry and sullen, and he blew off questions with no ulterior motive beyond minimizing verbal interactions.... Or maybe that 'anti-social loner' act had been just an act all along, meant to deter any investigation without arousing suspicion. Well, he may have fallen for that before, but he couldn't let himself fall for it any longer now that he knew who Zuko really was. "Someone else who? Is it a girlfriend?"

"No."

The Fire Nation, Jet knew, was incredibly homophobic, so maybe if he riled him up.... "A boyfriend?"

“ _No_." There was the emphatic response Jet had been looking for, but now he realized that that wasn't an effective way to blow his cover; Zuko could easily be annoyed by the intrusive line of questioning rather than the implications of the question. “It’s a long story, okay?”

That, though - that was exactly what a spy would say. _Or... what an anti-social loner who doesn't like talking would say. Damn._ "You have too many secrets," Jet complained, still searching for the right angle.

"I have the perfect amount of secrets." _That_ was a suspicious thing to say for sure, and not easily explained by any otherwise innocuous personality traits. Jet braced himself to point that out, but then, against his better judgment, he second-guessed himself. Wasn't that a weirdly obvious thing for a spy to say? What kind of spy went around openly discussing and defending the number of secrets they kept? Zuko was smart. Jet knew that for sure..., or... maybe he didn't know that for sure. Maybe all of the crazy, brilliant ideas and quick-thinking that had saved him, Smellerbee, and Longshot time and time again had been orchestrated specifically to earn their trust. Maybe this was how the Fire Nation found and imprisoned the rest of his Freedom Fighters.

Jet forced himself to relax. If he was unsure of the way to proceed, the answer was not to act on his own. It was to talk to Smellerbee and Longshot first. In the meantime, he might as well act natural. “Anyway, Chit Sang is working on the passports right now using our fake names. That’s okay, right?”

“It has to be. He could hardly use anything else. Someone is making a saddle right now. In the meantime, we should probably pick up some food.”

"Good thinking."

“It’s the only kind I have.”

Jet laughed, falling back into his easy camaraderie with Zuko despite himself as they walked away from the epistolary stall in search of food. He wondered if that was part of the prince's act, too - the sarcastic jokes, the begrudging friendliness, the casual superiority. Could a Fire Nation spy really fake all of that? _Would_ a Fire Nation spy fake all of that? Zuko was not a likeable kind of person. Frankly, he was one of the most easily dislikeable people Jet had ever met. He was hostile, argumentative, confrontational, and nearly unbearably awkward. Why would any spy choose that persona when their goal was to befriend people?

Maybe - Maybe he was a bad spy. A really, really bad spy. Maybe all of that really was who Zuko was, and the only deception was in where his loyalties truly lied. That would explain why he was so irascible. He just didn't like them, and he wasn't good at hiding it.

...But that didn't make sense either, because in Omashu, when he'd been defending the Fire Nation, he hadn't been angry. He had actually been uncharacteristically calm. If he was a Fire Nation spy, then that neutrality had to be a lie, but if he was a _bad_ Fire Nation spy, then that neutrality _couldn't_ be a lie. So what was the truth?

As oblivious as ever, Zuko interrupted his musings with, "I'll pay for Appa's food."

Jet stopped dead in his tracks for a few seconds and squinted at Zuko, beyond the point of hiding his confusion. Feeding an animal as big and active as Appa couldn't possibly be cheap. What was he playing at? Zuko did not react, continuing to walk as if he'd said nothing, so Jet continued onwards as well, still looking at him. The avoidance of eye contact indicated embarrassment, right? Wasn't that the conclusion to draw? He had never seen Zuko act embarrassed, so this was a facet of his character that Jet was heretofore unfamiliar with. Were the personas of spies always so three-dimensional? "You're way too generous for a fugitive," he replied finally.

"What can I say? It’s been a good day.”

Unfortunately, that would be equally true for a Fire Nation spy and an Earth Kingdom refugee... well. A Fire Nation refugee, as it were. Jet instinctively wrinkled his nose at the strange, contradictory phrase that he would have considered an oxymoron very, very recently. If it had been anyone other than Zuko, the thought would certainly have never crossed his mind.

It was possible, perhaps, that this was what he was supposed to think. Zuko's personality was too unfriendly. No spy in their right mind would act so unfriendly. Ergo, Zuko could not possibly be a spy. That was the conclusion that he was meant to draw. If that were true, though, then Zuko had taken quite a chance by crafting this persona. After all, most people when faced with someone who very clearly did not want to talk to them probably would not have been gung-ho about traveling with them. Jet had agreed mostly because of the Blue Spirit thing but it had also been... because... of his...

His train of thought came to a graceless, violent halt, then fell off the tracks and spontaneously burst into flame.

How did a firebender get a _burn scar_ on half of his face?

...How did the _Fire Lord's son_ get a burn scar on half of his face?

Who could...?

...There was really only one person who could have done that to him, huh?

_So what?_ Jet thought later, watching Zuko and Chit Sang say their farewells to each other. _Just because Zuko's father was abusive, I'm supposed to trust him now? Spies can be abused kids too. It happens. It's shitty, but it happens. I can't trust people on the basis of_ bad parenting _. That's, like, the exact opposite of what makes a person trustworthy!_ He sighed heavily enough that Longshot cast a questioning glance his way, which grounded him once more. _That's right. Talk to Longshot and Smellerbee first. Talk to your friends first...._

"Take care of yourself out there," Zuko was saying to Chit Sang when Jet tuned back in to the conversation. "The Fire Nation is still after you, and even if they wouldn't have before, now they'll definitely send you to the Boiling Rock if they catch you."

"I could say the same to you," Chit Sang pointed out.

 _Why, though?_ Jet wondered pensively. _Because he got that admiral killed? Or because he's the prince, and the Fire Lord wants his son back_

"There's a reason they want me alive," Zuko replied, scoffing. "Somehow I doubt I'm going anywhere as pleasant as the Boiling Rock."

Chit Sang grimaced. "All the more reason to haul ass to Ba Sing Se."

So Zuko anticipated being sent somewhere worse than their absolutely worst prison - that had to mean... what, torture? Zuko expected to get tortured? No, more specifically, Zuko expected to get tortured, and Chit Sang agreed with him without hesitation.

Zuko was the kind of person who went out of his way to pick up a damn ostrich horse. What could be the ulterior motive behind that? There had been plenty of better chances to lead Jet and the others into a trap if that were the objective. And now there was maybe a week at maximum of travel time before they hit Ba Sing Se, so if Zuko's objective ever had been to hunt down the other Freedom Fighters, it certainly wasn't anymore.

Finding Appe must have changed things. The Avatar was a bigger priority than any group of Earth Kingdom rebels out there. Appa was Zuko's ticket into the Avatar's inner circle, where the Fire Nation could do so, so much damage.

...Except... Jet had already told him about his past with the Avatar and his friends. Zuko knew very well that bringing what was left of the Freedok Fighters would make him appear less trustworthy, and Jet was sure that he could easily get Appa to take off without them since he was Appa's favorite. In fact, back when he was the only one that Appa trusted, that would have been the perfect opportunity to cut ties with them without even going behind their backs.

Weren't animals supposed to be good at reading people, anyway? Shouldn't Appa have been able to... to recognize Zuko's malicious intentions, or something? As abused and traumatized and terrified as the poor creature had been, he had chosen to let Zuko befriend him. Didn't that mean anything?

They made it to the village where Zuko's ostrich horse was. Zuko went into town to get him. Smellerbee decided to go too, and Jet... Jet let her. There was no concrete reason to stop her. There was no reason to think Zuko would do anything to her, not when all signs pointed towards him wanting to bring all three of them to Ba Sing Se with him, regardless of his motivations. So why did Jet still feel like he'd just made an awful decision?

"I have to tell you something," Jet blurted out, sitting beside Longshot as his friend carved some wood into an arrow.

Longshot flicked his eyes towards Jet, tipped his head forward, and looked back at his work. _Sure, as long as it doesn't interfere with my work._

Jet pulled Zuko's wanted poster out of his bag and thrust it at Longshot, who reluctantly set down his tools so he could receive the document. "He's Fire Nation," Jet hissed. "He's the Fire Lord's son.'

Longshot glanced at him, looked pointedly to the poster, then looked back up with a raised eyebrow. _Yes, Jet, I'm literally reading that right now. You don't need to tell me_

"Why aren't you more freaked out about this?" Jet demanded, incensed. " _Fire Nation_ , Longshot!"

Longshot jerked his head first toward the poster, then in the direction of the town. _You just let him go off with Smellerbee. You're not that freaked out about it either._

Jet sighed heavily. "Shouldn't I be freaked out by this? Shouldn't this mean something? Shouldn't this change things? He's the enemy - !"

Longshot scoffed. _He's_ Zuko _, not the enemy._

Jet shook his head. "No. The Fire Nation is the enemy. If Zuko is Fire Nation, that means that he's the enemy too." He stood up and turned away from Longshot, shaking his head, his arms crossed over his chest. His friend's eyes burned into the back of his head, and disapproval hung heavy in the air between him, but still he didn't turn around. "We can't trust him again, Longshot! Don't you see that? Whoever we thought he was, we were _wrong_! He can't - He can't be - "

"Jet," Longshot bit out, a little angrily, a little pleadingly. _Don't do something stupid, Jet, and don't you make me talk you out of something stupid!_

"I don't - " Jet spun back around to face Longshot, scanning him desperately, taking in every inch of his face and his posture. "I - I can't - " He knelt in front of the other teen, leaning forward, his head tilted slightly and his shoulders slumped. _I need your help, Longshot. But I don't know what you're trying to say this time._

Longshot looked down at the ground, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his elbows on them. "...This isn't about Zuko," he said quietly. "Call this what it is. If Zuko can be good and Fire Nation, that means others can be good and Fire Nation. People we might have hurt. People we might have killed." Jet flinched. Longshot continued. "You have to choose. Keep your friend, or keep your image of yourself. You can't have both."

The two of them sat in silence for a long, long time. Eventually, Longshot shifted, taking up his arrow-carving once more. Jet stared into the distance, lost.

The moment of truth for his friendship with Zuko was swiftly approaching. Was Jet the kind of person who had hurt and killed good people and spent his life making up for it? Or was he the kind of person who hurt and killed those same people, then projected his inadequacy onto yet another good person?

“Zuko, I’ve been – “

“I think we should stick together when we reach Ba Sing Se."

Wind blew through their hair as they lounged in Appa's saddle, heading right for Ba Sing Se. Jet looked from Longshot's smile to Smellerbee's smirk, and he grinned widely. “You hear that, guys? That’s right! The Blue Spirit is a Freedom Fighter now!”


	3. Too Close to the Flame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: CtNT, mid-Ch. 14. You only need to finish Chapter 13 to know what's going on, though.
> 
> Title is from I See Fire by Ed Sheeran.

> Should my people fall  
>  Then surely I'll do the same  
>  Confined in mountain halls  
>  We got too close to the flame
> 
> I See Fire by Ed Sheeran

#### Too Close to the Flame

"He's gone!"

Jet shot to his feet, immediately on edge from Katara's distraught tone. "Who's gone?"

"Aang!"

Everyone shot to their feet at that. "How is he gone?'" Toph demanded. "We're on a ship in the middle of the ocean. How do you lose someone on a ship in the middle of the ocean?!"

"I didn't _lose_ him - "

"Did someone take him?" Bato was already drawing his weapon.

"No! He _left_!"

Now everyone froze, confused, disbelieving, and a little bit horrified. "Katara, what do you mean?" Hakoda asked slowly.

Katara shot her father a resentful look. "What do the words 'he left' usually mean, Dad?"

" _How_ did he leave?" Hakoda corrected himself.

"He took his glider and he - he left." Katara collapsed into a chair, shaken. "He just... left."

Jet took a deep breath, forcing himself not to panic. "Okay. You need to take Appa and find him, then."

"I'm going too," Toph asserted immediately.

"Of course. We'll go too. Four pairs of eyes are better than one." Katara did not make a snide remark about his eyesight, which was a true testament to her current state of mind.

Longshot caught his eye and flicked his gaze pointedly to the storm raging outside.

"Doesn't matter," Jet dismissed reluctantly. "Aang is the most important thing right now, and it might be hard to find him in a storm, but we'll never find him if we wait until the storm passes."

"I'll get binoculars," Toph said, dashing off.

Longshot briefly wound his arms tightly across his body and rubbed his shoulders to indicate cold, then darted after Toph to retrieve blankets or jackets or something.

Taking note of Katara's remarkable imitation of an armadillo lion, curled into herself on her seat, Jet tentatively moved to the chair beside her and sat upon it. "Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not alright," she sneered. "Aang is missing. Aang is missing, and - " She broke off, tensing.

"And... you feel responsible?" Jet ventured.

"Sokka and Suki are gone. After them, Zuko knew him best. Toph does too, but she's just a kid. She can't be expected to watch out for Aang. _I_ was supposed to look out for him and take care of him. I should have known he wouldn't just get over this."

"What is 'this?' Do you know what brought this on?"

"Aang's been having trouble getting back into the Avatar State," Katara revealed. "He was trying to practice getting in and out of it voluntarily, since he was only able to do it those two times when we were fighting Azula and the Dai Li, but he hasn't been able to get back into it even once. He says it's because - well, he said a lot of things about chakras and onion and banana juice that I didn't quite follow, but I know that he had to let go of his attachment to Zuko in order to access the Avatar State and ever since - ever since Ba Sing Se, he can't... He can't stop thinking about Zuko, and what might be happening to him every day while we're out here having the time of our lives." Katara rubbed her eyes as she continued, her voice growing choked. "And Zuko sacrificed himself for us, so that we could have a fighting chance against the Fire Nation, and now that Aang can't get into the Avatar State, he feels like that was for nothing."

Jet rested his chin on his forearms, crossed atop the table. "But why _leave_? What does he think he's accomplishing?"

"I don't know what's going on in that kid's head," Katara sighed. "But if I had to guess... I think... maybe he's afraid of losing us, too." She hugged her knees more tightly against her chest.

Jet wanted to hug her, but he didn't think she was quite upset enough for her to welcome a gesture like that from him. Instead, he said, "Aang is a tough kid, Katara. We're gonna find him, and he's gonna be just fine."

She offered him a grateful smile, but it was quickly chased away by a worried frown. "I'm not just worried about Aang. In this storm, even once we find him, I don't know how we'll find our way back."

Jet swallowed, casting his gaze to the porthole with a terrible idea on his mind. "...We'll figure it out. There's nothing we can do about that right now. Step one is finding him, so we should put all our energy towards that."

"You're right." After a few seconds, Katara stood. "I'm gonna go find my dad before we leave." She headed to the exit, but then she paused and looked back at him, pensive. "...Thanks, Jet." She turned and left.

Ten minutes later, the four of them gathered on the deck with Appa and Momo. As Katara, Toph, and Longshot prepared to board Appa, Jet took a step back from the group. "I'm not going with you," he admitted.

Katara and Longshot turned to him in shock, and though Toph did not face him, he could see the same expression on her face. "What? Why not?" Katara demanded.

"Because... you were right. It's going to be hard to find the ship again in this storm. It might even be impossible."

"Then you should definitely go with us," Toph pointed out. Katara's and Longshot's faces fell as they began to understand.

"I can't," Jet disagreed reluctantly. "I have to find the rest of the Freedom Fighters. This is where I'm needed most right now."

Toph shook her head. "This is crazy. There's no way we should be splitting up again."

Longshot met his gaze sadly and gently placed his hand on Toph's shoulder, tugging just once.

The two of them had the hardest time communicating because Toph couldn't feel the subtle shifts in facial expressions that others could see, but this time she seemed to get the message, for her shoulders slumped. "...I get it, I guess. But be careful."

"I will," Jet affirmed. "You, too."

Toph nodded at him, then hopped into Appa's saddle. Longshot met his gaze for a moment, then followed suit.

Katara looked at him for a long time. Jet tensed and resisted the urge to fidget nervously under her unreadable eyes. Finally she said, "Don't do anything reckless while I'm gone."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Jet flashed her the charming smile that had once wooed her.

Now she raised an eyebrow at it, unaffected. "I won't be here to heal you anymore, so you can't get hurt doing stupid stuff."

"I don't feel like I normally do, but if it makes you feel better, I swear I won't do anything stupid or reckless," he offered.

She nodded. "Good. I'll see you at the Black Cliffs, then."

"Not if I see you first," Jet shot back.

Katara rolled her eyes, but smirked a little, too. "Bye, Jet." She heaved herself onto Appa. "Yip, yip!"

Jet allowed himself two seconds to watch wistfully as Appa soared into the storm with Toph, Longshot, and Katara. Then he turned back to the ship. There was work to be done.


	4. My Days Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara wants to help Aang get back into the Avatar State, but Aang already knows that there's nothing she can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another story written exclusively on my crappy phone, so it has not been proofread. 
> 
> Timeline: CtNT, towards the end of Ch. 14. This one does have minor spoilers for Ch. 14.
> 
> This whole chapter was pretty much single-handedly inspired by Throw Me a Rope by KT Tunstall, which is where the chapter title comes from.

> Oh, but I've got to be  
> Unconditionally unafraid  
> Of my days without you
> 
> Throw Me a Rope by KT Tunstall

#### My Days Without You

"Hey, Aang?"

Katara was using that careful, delicate voice again that meant she was about to tell him something he was absolutely not going to like. Aang swallowed the last of his dinner alongside a full course of apprehension and answered, "Yeah?"

He must not have swallowed his apprehension thoroughly enough, because her body language grew, if possible, even more reticent. "So..., the thing is..., there's something we have to talk about."

Katara always beat around the bush when she had something unpleasant to say, but this level of bush-surroundings-beating meant something truly awful was going to come out of her mouth. Considering recent events, it wasn't hard to figure out what. "I just remembered," Aang interjected as cheerily as he could, "Toph was going to - teach me something - some new earth-"

" _Aang_ ," Katara cut him off reproachfully. So, no escaping this conversation then. At least she wasn't treating him like porcelain anymore. "It's about the Avatar State."

"What about it?" Aang drew out his words. New strategy: act so oblivious that she got annoyed and left him alone.

"I know that things have been so, so awful," and there was that delicate voice again, "but in order to win this war and beat the Fire Nation, you need to learn how to get back into the Avatar State."

Aang had to bite back a snarky comment, which surely meant he'd spent too much time around - "I know, Katara. But I can't."

"I know you feel responsible for what happened to Zuko," understatement of the century, "but what happened wasn't your fault," a bald-faced lie, "and you're not helping him by refusing to - "

There was so much to unpack in that one incomplete sentence that Aang didn't know where to start besides sputtering indignantly at her. He opened with, "What part of 'can't' don't you understand?" and then he said, "This isn't just about what happened to Zuko," and finished with he, "How was that not my fault?!" which he then realized quite unfortunately belied his second statement.

"You did everything you could," Katara reassured him.

"Yeah, well, it clearly wasn't enough, so what good is that? And I was in the Avatar State then! If the Avatar State can't even help me keep my friends safe, how is it going to help me defeat an entire nation? Maybe if I hadn't even been in the stupid Avatar State, I could have protected him."

"Oh, Aang," Katara said softly, taking his hands. "I... I can see why it might seem that way to you, but - "

"What Sugar Queen is too much of a loser to tell you," Toph put in, because she was a terrible, terrible, nosy person, "is that everything you just said was completely irrational." She walked over and... didn't quite sit down so much as throw herself violently into the ground beside him and somehow make it look like a comfortable motion. "If you hadn't gone all glowy on the Dai Li, then they would have caught us all. The Avatar State is the reason we only lost Zuko."

 _Only?_ Aang thought heatedly, but he took a moment to think about what she'd said and formulate a real answer rather than reacting emotionally. "You're right. The Avatar State isn't the reason that... that things happened the way they did. But I still can't do it."

"Why not?" Katara pressed neutrally.

_"His arm will self-extinguish soon enough if the bandages don't first. Of course, I can extinguish it myself if he tells me where the Avatar is...._

_"I suppose your burns were too close to healing. Time to... freshen them, hm?"_

"I don't want to talk about it," escaped him, which he immediately recognized as an invalid answer.

Toph scoffed incredulously at him. "You don't - "

"Toph, I appreciate the help, but I think this needs to be a conversation between Aang and me," Katara interrupted kindly but firmly. Toph huffed, but gave no further objection as she left them to it. Katara leaned in closer to him, and there was something like realization in her eyes. She couldn't possibly know, but she seemed to have finally understood that he wasn't just in denial over the root of his Avatar State block. "I want to help you, Aang. You're not just the Avatar. You're my friend, too. Whatever is going on inside your head, it's not just stopping you from entering the Avatar State; it's hurting you."

Aang pulled his knees up to his chin, reluctantly considering whether or not (and if so, then how) to tell her. Katara scooted closer to him and wrapped her arms around him, and they sat together in silence for a few moments. If his cheeks were wet when she pulled away, she didn't comment on it. He took a deep breath. "To enter the Avatar State, I have to let go of all my earthly attachments."

"Okay." He had told her that more than once over the past few weeks, but she didn't stop him to say so, which he appreciated.

"And one of those attachments is Zuko."

"Right."

"That was the last chakra I had to unlock, but I had a lot of trouble unlocking it. I didn't actually manage it with Guru Pathik. It wasn't until Zuko and I were riding on Appa to pick up you and Sokka that I managed it. I told him what my problem was - well, the gist of it, anyway - and he helped me figure it out. That's how I was able to use the Avatar State in Ba Sing Se."

He took a short while to figure out how to transition into the next part of the story, but evidently it was too long a while, for Katara soon prompted him, "So it's because he helped you the first time? Now you don't know how to do it without him?"

Aang shook his head. "No, it... I mean, maybe. I don't know. I haven't really gotten that far again."

"What do you mean?"

"Ev... Every time I reach that point where I can choose to let go, I see him."

Katara was silent for a few moments, eyebrows furrowed as she worked out his meaning. "Just... him?"

"Where he is," Aang supplied tonelessly. "What he's doing.... What's happening to him."

Katara recoiled, visibly shocked. "Oh," she breathed. "...Oh, _Aang_."

She didn't say anything more, which was understandable. There was nothing to be said. What comfort could anyone provide to an Avatar who couldn't fulfill his Avatar duties because every time he tried, he saw - "So. Yeah. That's why I can't. I don't feel like there's anything I can do about that."

She tugged on his shoulders until he was leaning against her, the top of his head pressed into her chin. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked quietly. He might have, maybe, but he couldn't imagine sharing the things he'd seen with anyone and putting those kinds of thoughts and images into someone's head. Katara narrowed her eyes knowingly at him. Clearly some of his reasoning had shown on his face. "I want to help you, Aang. No matter what. I know you feel like you're the Avatar and you've got the weight of the whole world on your shoulders, and - okay, yeah, you do. But that's not a burden that you have to bear alone. You can share it with us, with your family. We're all here for you."

Aang's heart twisted a little at her word choice, but as soon as she was finished speaking, it was as if he was a carbonated beverage that had been shaken violently and uncorked. Everything he'd seen and heard over the past month came bursting out of him. In the end, he and Katara were both sniffling, but Katara seemed - not happy, not even okay, but not as shaken as he'd thought she might be, and he felt so much lighter for having told her.

A tap on his shoulder drew his attention to his right, where Longshot and Toph sat beside him silently crying, because he must have had the nosiest family in the history of everything. "Azula," Longshot said, and everyone immediately sat upright and paid careful attention, "likes to boast, hm?"

All three of them took a few moments to ponder what conclusion he was leading them to. Then Toph gasped and continued his thought hopefully, "So if she'd caught Sokka and Suki and Smellerbee, she would have bragged about it to Zuko. But she didn't, which means that means they're still out there looking for him, so they still might find him!"

Aang blinked a couple of times before beaming at her. "You're right!"

Katara nodded happily beside him. Then she turned to him. "What about this? What if, before you meditate on your chakras to try and reach the Avatar State, you take all of your earthly attachments and you give them to me? And then I can keep them safe for you while you're meditating, and I'll give them all back when you're done."

That was the silliest thing he had ever heard. He told her as much, chuckling lightly despite himself.

"No, I think Sugar Queen is actually onto something here," Toph declared. "And you know I don't say that lightly. This sounds like a totally possible thing to do. I'll even help."

Longshot nodded eagerly and gave him a thumbs up.

Aang laughed, wiping tears from his eyes. It really was a silly idea, but who knew? They were a weird, weird group of people. Lots of unbelievable things happened to them. Maybe it wasn't so silly after all. "Okay," Aang allowed, smiling. "Okay. I'll give it a chance."

What he knew for sure was that they were trying their hardest to help him. And if they could try, then he could try too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm 5.4k words into Ch. 15, I think I have about two and a half scenes left to write so it's practically done. Here's a short excerpt:
> 
> Zuko flinched to his right so violently that he lost his balance and went flailing. This might have been a comical scene if it weren’t for the facts that a) it was a harsh reminder to everyone of his recent traumas, b) he had definitely drawn a dangerous amount of attention to himself, c) his leg hurt like a _fucking bitch_ now, and d) he had been right next to the side of the ship when that happened. So now? He was _in the fucking ocean_. Drowning. _Again_. He and the ocean had had a pretty good relationship recently but now he thought he might be back to hating it.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Constructive criticism is welcome!


End file.
